THE CONSUMMATION OF ECSTASY: A REVISED POEM

 

 

TODAY'S POEM. I revised a poem I wrote three days ago. Which format would you prefer as a reader? Which one as a poet or a literary critic? If you don't mind, please tell me why you choose one over the other. (The more readable and simpler, the better.) HELP!

 

 

A REVISED POEM

 

1. The Consummation of an Ecstasy

If the dreaded hurts we abandoned on the trail
were memories that needed to be closed like doors
that must not open again;

if they were cut up bodies of ghosts
whose bleeding were balm to raw wounds
we sport around as insignias of deathless lovers
guised in the defiant faces of lovelorn clowns
masked in scowls standing in for love and laughter;

if we are finally done, after all these years, with hate
as masquerades of despair and burning need;

if we swear here, now, and onto our dying days and death
that we will scrape our graves open with our fealty
to an unquenchable love;

then, let us die in this ecstasy.

---ALBERT B. CASUGA

 Revised, September 25, 2014 From the following version as part of two poems.


2. The Consummation of an Ecstasy

If the dreaded hurts we abandoned on the trail
were memories that needed to be closed like doors
that must not open again; if they were cut up bodies
of ghosts whose bleeding were balm to raw wounds
we sport around as insignias of deathless lovers
guised in the defiant faces of lovelorn clowns
masked in scowls standing in for love and laughter;
if we are finally done, after all these years, with hate
as masquerades of despair and burning need; if we
swear here, now, and onto our dying days and death
that we will scrape open our graves with our fealty
and unquenchable love; then, let us die in this ecstasy.


---ALBERT B. CASUGA

 September 22, 2014 From "The Final Conversation".
Glen Erin Trail, Mississauga